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Vhitcious knows best

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Livejournal lovin' [Jan. 8th, 2009|03:34 pm]
Vhitcious knows best
[mood |sleepysleepy]

I didn't get any sleep last night, my schedule is off and Im staying up all night. Soo at around 5amish I was like why not take a shower, your obviously not sleeping and it'll save you time later on when I have to get ready for class. Soooo I did such things. I thought that taking a shower and using this sleepy time oil stuff would actually make me tired and go to bed. Oh noo noo, didn't do a damn thing. So next thing I know its 6, 6:30, 7, 8, 8:30, 9 & my mom busts in my room like UGHH aren't you supposed to be up? I dunno how MANY TIMES i have to tell her NO, but then its like 9:40 and I finally get up, get ready for school and rush over there because I had to buy a book before that class.

Went to class, came home, then went to Beavercreek to go apply for some jobs. UGH I AM SO TIRED NOW! but i know if I go to sleep know I will be up all night. Plus Im hungry and Im honestly too tired to do anything about it.

Im good, class Sat morning damnnn it.. and then who knows, I have no party plans this weekend. I actually haven't done anything since New years, no no I take that back I went to my sisters over the weekend and drank my little heart out. Sooo yeah haven't done anything since the weekend.
Ahhh ol well.

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WOW [Jan. 8th, 2009|02:22 am]
Vhitcious knows best
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Sigur Ros]

Its been a lonnng time since I actually used this thing and reading all my old entries man I was miserable.
It shows I cam along way and not so much of a negative nancy.

A LOT has changed since 2006 man ol' mighty and Im busy reviving old accounts ha.

Welp, Tomorrow actually later today I have to go up to Sinclair early to buy a book and then class and after class Im going to go look for some jobs, apply at some places. Oh me oh my I hope I find something. Its been established and I've excepted positively that I am bad luck soo I have to work with my situation. Hopefully I can find something because I have like a dollar in my account and I have TONS of things I have to purchase for myself and for class.

The economy is shit, at least Im not the only one suffering.

yep, I don't have any plans this weekend, I'd like to spend time with Tippy. I haven't seen her since October. Hopefully shes off work this weekend.

Welp heres to a new year and a positive mind.

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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2006|01:27 am]
Vhitcious knows best
[mood |gloomygloomy]

So I went to the doctor last Monday and she put me on effexor and xanax .. I take effexor everyday and the xanax before I have a panic attack or when I go somewhere with a huge crowd. So I haven't taken xanax yet but I've been on effexor for a week now.. How do I feel? I really don't know, I'm not emotional, like I'm not on the floor drowning myself in tears. I still have horrible feelings but its more like the thoughts there just not the emotion that hurts and tears me apart and so I don't know if this is really gonna work for me. I just have to wait a few weeks and see.

So Wednesday I have a chiro appointment and I have an appointment to go see a counselor at Sinclair so figure out a schedule for college and whatever. I'm nervous out of my mind thinking about it but I don't remember who I have the appointment with so I have to search and see if I can find anything on it. Then Sha'rees supposed to be coming down Friday, I don't know how thats supposed to turn out seeing how shes been. So my life pretty much sucks, even though I'm on medicine and whatever its not blinding me from reality. I have no friends, no social life. I don't know exactly why. I feel horrible and ugly. I am ugly, it irritates me when somebody says i'm pretty because its so untrue. Mom asked me have I ever thought of how i'd kill myself. Yes I have, but I wouldn't tell her what my plans were. Well I never had dates I just thought how I'd do it. She kept asking me what would I do and I wouldn't tell her. Thats personal and I don't feel comfortable telling her any of this.

I feel like I have a huge whole in my chest like something is missing, like I'm not complete and I don't know what I need. My life, me myself everything feels soo empty and dead to me. Like a dessert, dry dessert. I turned 19 Sunday and I dreaded every second of it. i slept the whole day. I never used to hate getting older I was actually excited, its just this time it just looks me me as another horrible year of my life. Another year I can mark off and say I'm surprised I'm still alive because every year life gets worse, it hasn't improved at all.. I thought it would but it hasn't. I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for almost 7 years. Why am I still here?
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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2006|01:18 am]
Vhitcious knows best
Image hosted by Photobucket.com THIS IS HOW I FEEL
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(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2005|06:00 pm]
Vhitcious knows best

Yes.. My Journal can be read by friends ONLY!!..
Sorry.. Its private!!
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